A Matter of Existence
by GotxItxMemorized
Summary: Zexion finds out that he wasn't supposed to be born. Axel ruins Vexen's latest experiment, Demyx fails for the fifth time, and Lexaeus misses a very important chapter on 1812 overature. Filled with sighs and sarchastic comments, the nobodies depart on ano
1. Fellowship of the R I N Q

Zexion sat in his room contemplating the day so far. He hadn't done much, really. He had been sent on another "important" mission earlier that morning; he had been thoroughly annoyed that _he_ had been picked by Superior. Patrolling was hardly what he'd call important. It was a task for lower beings, dusks. Zexion, being one of the original six members, hadn't the time for such impudence. He sighed deeply and picked up his tea. Before he took a sip, a crash sounded from down the hall. He closed his eyes for a brief moment and continued on with his tea.  
"AXEL!"  
"What! It's just a dumb experiment!"  
"Dumb—dumb experiment? I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW—"  
Zexion rolled his eyes and sighed once more. He slowly got up and made for number four's room, the laboratory.

Once he had arrived, he found himself looking at a very infuriated Vexen and a petrified Axel. Zexion looked over the laboratory. At one table there was a mess of yellow-orange liquids splattered all over paperwork. At another there were chemicals set in rows of five, all of which seemed to be attached to a nobody. He turned once more to the quarrel. Vexen, still a little red in the face, was holding up his shield.  
"Put that away, Vexen. It will not be needed." Vexen's eyes flashed with anger as he looked up at Zexion. Zexion eyed Vexen calmly. Axel decided to shut up; he stood in the corner watching both of them. Vexen began to stutter.  
"That dense twit of a nonentity just ruined my research! I've been working on this before you were born, number six," Vexen snapped. "Which, coincidentally, should never have happened!"  
Zexion raised one eyebrow and looked at him suspiciously. "You must be pretty old, then," He paused patiently to wait for Vexen's response.

Vexen gave a cruel laugh and looked at Zexion with pure ecstasy. "According to my research," Vexen gestured with his hand to the ruined paperwork behind him. "You, number six, _should never have been born._" Vexen laughed once more and walked over to the soggy notes.

"Oh really?" Zexion asked lamely. He was getting curious, though, as to what Vexen was rambling about.

At that point in time Lexaeus had been in his own room reading a book on the greatest works of Tchaikovsky. He was quite misunderstood as the big oaf in the Organization; that was far from the truth. Lexaeus enjoyed quiet evenings reading in his privacy when he wasn't out on duty. Right now he was reading an exceptionally good part of the book about "1812 Overature". He was getting deeply interested when he heard the words, "You, number six, _should never have been born_" echo from down the hall. Deciding to find out what the matter was, Lexaeus adjourned from his study and made for where the sound seemed to be originating: Vexen's room. This was going to be one of those days.

Lexaeus looked at the scene before him and studied it for a moment. Finally he took it all in. "What exactly is going on here, gentlemen?"  
Axel was the first to speak up. He had been quiet for all of the conversation so far, and felt he needed to be a part of the argument. "It's become quite a party, now, hasn't it?"

Lexaeus ignored Axel's comment for the time being, as did Vexen and Zexion. Vexen seemed obliged to bring up the more important matter at hand, which he did immediately.

"That imbecile has just ruined my work!" Vexen said, pointing dramatically at Axel, who took a step back and held up his hands.

"Now wait a minute. I didn't ruin your work _completely_," Axel paused as if to think for an excuse. "You did have an extra copy, didn't you? Vexen…you always keep copies."  
Lexaeus nodded in agreement. "You do tend to over prepare, Vexen."  
"Of course I had an extra copy!"  
"Then I don't really see the point in all of this, Vexen," Zexion said softly exchanging looks with Lexaeus.

"The point is," Vexen pressed on. "he's been coming in here to interrupt me which eventually leads to things like this!" Vexen spat at his ruined notes and files spread across the yellow-orange substance. All were about to spew into an angry argument that would probably involve curse words and obscene phrases, but were stopped by a noise down the hall. The author apologizes for all this "noise down the hall" business, but is too lazy to be creative at the moment.

"Quite," Zexion remarked as the four of them left the room.

"AGAIN?" Number two's voice rang down through the castle. "ALL I ASK YOU TO DO WAS STOP SORA FOR A WHILE UNTIL I COME, BUT NO! INSTEAD YOU _DIE_! WHAT KIND OF NOBODY IS THAT? WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE FEARLESS!"  
Demyx shrank back and raised a finger. "Ac—actually, Xigbar, we don't technically _have_ hearts so—" Demyx was cut off by a loud growl followed by a particularly nasty hiss.

"DON'T GIVE ME THAT 'Oh, look! I'm a nobody and I can't feel anything!'. THIS IS THE LAST TIME, DEMYX, _THE LAST TIME! _AND THAT IS XIGBAR _SIR_!" Xigbar looked down loathingly at the pathetic state of his colleague. He huffed and started to cool down.

"…Yessir." Demyx hung his head. Seconds later it flipped back up again as Vexen, Axel, Lexaeus and Zexion entered the room. Zexion lifted one eyebrow and sighed, as he usually did. Lexaeus and Vexen stayed silent; Axel was the only one daring enough to question the scene before them.

"What _the heck _are you doing?" he asked.

"Number nine, here, has failed _again_," came the hushed voice of Xigbar. Demyx shrugged, trying to give an innocent look. Vexen put his hand to his forehead; Lexaeus shook his head.

"I think it is time that we all go see Superior." Everyone nodded in agreement with Zexion's proposal.

"So let me get this straight. Demyx has failed yet again; Axel has disrupted Vexen which has cost Vexen several years of research. Lexaeus and Xigbar have come to straighten everything out, and Zexion should not be among us?" Xemnas looked at all of them in turn, who gave a subtle nod or blink of approval. Xemnas sighed. Lexaeus shuffled his feet and Vexen sniffed. Zexion, as usual, sighed and waited. Demyx was tapping his feet to a tune only heard inside his head; Axel was glaring at him, ready to burn them off. Eventually Xemnas spoke again.

"I think…we all need a little time off. Zexion—go find out that whole 'more-non-existent-than-everyone-else' thing. I suggest that Vexen and Axel accompany you, as to solve their—" Xemnas paused for lack of words. "—relationship problems." Both Axel and Vexen glared at the rest, sending out a signal that read, "Say one word about 'relationship problems' and your body will be inflamed and the ashes will be crystallized with the burning intensity of our hatred."

Xigbar glanced at Xemnas, his boss and number one. "If you don't mind, Superior, I'd like Demyx to go along with him. As punishment." Xigbar looked terribly hopeful.

Xemnas considered it for a moment before speaking. "It sounds interesting. Very well. Demyx will accompany you." This was welcomed with a loud chorus of groans erupting from Axel, Vexen, and Zexion. Xigbar looked as if he had entered a true heaven and began to "thank god for all that was good". Vexen looked at the group of four. Not the smartest choice. Lexaeus also happened to think so.

"Superior, if you don't mind I'd like to accompany them." Lexaeus showed no fear in his eyes as he spoke.

Xemnas raised one eyebrow, replied, "Very well", and sighed. This was going to be some trip. He looked upon the five of them (Xigbar had left by now) and smiled with approval. "I suggest you use the R. I. N. Q. It will get you to your destination faster, as you know already." Of course the five knew already. The R. I. N. Q. was known as "Really Incredible Nobody Quickness", which to the readers implies the speed of the gummi ship.

Demyx looked cheerful. He bore a smile so large that Zexion couldn't help but think of wiping it off his face for him. Axel was thinking along the same lines, except with more of a pyro twist. Burning it off his face. Demyx moved in front of the others and looked up at Xemnas. "With your permission I'd like to give this group a name." Xemnas merely nodded with annoyance. Zexion rolled his eyes. Demyx continued on. "From this moment forward…we will be known as the Fellowship of the R.I.N.Q." Loud groans could be heard from the five and Xemnas. Mumbles of "OH GOD" and "Not another LOTR spoof" could be heard amongst the nobodies. One by one the filed out, until a distraught Demyx was left. "It sounded like a good idea!"

Before the group left on their perilous adventure, Xemnas felt that a council was needed. Slowly all thirteen members were collected in the study. Unfortunately for some, they sat in order of rank.

"First I'd like to check that everyone is here," Xemnas said.

"Xigbar?"  
"Here."  
"Xaldin?"  
"Present."

"Vexen?"  
"Accounted for."  
"Lexaeus?"

"Here."  
"Zexion?"  
"Oh, for the love of nothing. We're all here, Xemnas." A very hurt Xemnas looked up from his papers. He gave a sober nod and moved on.  
"As you all know, five of our members are going on a journey that may possibly take weeks. So, in the meantime, I'd like all who are not going to double up on patrols."

Axel laughed; he was going on the trip—which meant Roxas had to do double the work, not he.

Zexion smirked, and added, "_Technically, _because we are leaving you'll have to work harder; double time. And _technically _we'll be gone for a while. Which _technically_ means that you'll be doing _our_ work—" He gave a small chuckle. "—_technically_, that is."

Several members glared.

"Anyway, I suggest that the fellowship leaves tomorrow at the break of dawn. Are no other comments to be made…?" Xemnas looked around the room at blank faces. "Good. I hereby declare that this meeting is over."   
Chairs were pulled out and cloaks shuffled as the nobodies slowly left the room. "Short meeting" could be heard among several members as they walked out. Xemnas, still in his chair, sighed. Finally he would be rid of prank calls, phony IMs, and disturbances. The lab would no longer be a problem; there would be no potions wreaking havoc on his organization. The serenity of the moment astounded him, until the room shook and an angry scream was heard.  
"DEMYX!"  
"Sorry!"

Yep, so starts the journey. I believe in the next chapter Zexion will face things he did not know possible, Demyx runs to the supermarket, and Axel steals a tour bus. Rate and review, please!


	2. Cheetos

Hey guys! Before-story-chat. I am sorry the first one wasn't very funny, but this one will be. -PROMISE-

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The next morning, the group was preparing to leave. Zexion, in his room, was deciding which shade of black commented his dark look most. _Pitch black, of course_, he thought. Drawing seven cloaks from his closet, he packed them in a bag and looked around the room for anything else he would need. _Ah, yes_. The keys to the R. I. N. Q, of course. He laughed. Why they needed keys to the gummi ship had always puzzled him. Vexen said it was because last time they had a finger print scanner for owner recognition, Demyx left cheeto cheese fingerprints all over the scanner. Apparently, it didn't come off for days.

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Axel scratched his head. What would he need on this trip, anyway? He shrugged and took an armful of cloaks and stuck them in a bag. He rummaged through his dresser, and finally found what he had long desired. _Fritos._ He grinned and stuffed them into the bag as well. Axel gave a puzzled expression and looked around the room for anything else he needed. He had a feeling that he was missing something. He shrugged it off, and headed down to the dining room, where breakfast was supposedly served in ten minutes.

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Vexen sighed and looked around his room. He had already stuffed a couple of cloaks, a stack of books, paper for notes, and recent experiment data into a small bag. He frowned. He couldn't help but feel there was something important that he was forgetting. Telling himself to forget it, Vexen checked the clock. _Oh. Five minutes until breakfast._ He headed down the stairs towards the dining room.

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Lexaeus had already packed his bag earlier that morning. He was now sitting in his chair, finally discovering the secrets of "Overature 1812". He smiled to himself. Tchaikovsky really was wonderful. Checking the time, he noted that breakfast would soon be done. He swung his backpack over his shoulder and walked down the hall.

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Demyx frowned. He didn't like to frown, but this was one of those "frowning" times. He couldn't remember what he wanted to bring that was bugging him so. He sat on his bed, which bounced due to his weight, and sighed. Looking at the packed bag next to him he suddenly remembered what was so important. _CHEETOS!_ He opened a portal and smiled. _To the supermarket!_

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"You should be thankful, number six. It is Xaldin's specialty this morning," Xemnas replied icily, after having a short argument with Zexion.

Zexion scowled. "Specialty? As in…more special than the other—_things_ that he _tried_ to make?" He made a face and did not touch the goop in front of him.

Xaldin, who had been standing three feet away and had been listening to the whole conversation, withdrew his spears and pointed them threateningly at Zexion. "Eat."

_Uck._ Zexion reluctantly picked up his spoon and dipped it into the gray mixture. He lifted it and watched as it melted the spoon off like acid. He immediately dropped the spoon into the mess, which quickly burned away. Xaldin raised an eyebrow. He didn't remember putting _that_ in the mix.  
Vexen, two seats away, smiled as the spoon disintegrated. "That would be _my_ fault, Zexion. That bowl was meant for Axel," he replied with a smirk.

Zexion grumbled as Xemnas ordered for the food to be taken away. What was he going to eat now? Xemnas seemed to be thinking along the same lines, and added to Xaldin, "Bring him some pancakes."

Zexion's face lit up as the scent of pancakes slowly wafted into the room. Xaldin came in five minutes later with a stack of golden-brown pancakes and syrup for him. He ate hungrily.

Axel, who had just entered with Lexaeus, sat down and stared at the bowl of gray goop in front of him. He then looked at Zexion's pancakes. His brow furrowed in anger. "Why does he get pancakes!" he demanded.

Lexaeus looked up from his goop as well. He didn't touch it. It seemed to be moving.

Xemnas rolled his eyes. "Zexion's bowl was full of acid," he replied coolly.

Axel slammed his hands on the table. "Well eat it then, d-mmit! I'm not going to dine on melted garbage can while he gets fluffy pancakes!"  
Vexen almost choked. Whether it was from the nasty gray soup or from laughter the others couldn't tell. "It was full of _acid_, moron. Why do you think he didn't eat it?" This was followed by many arguments and rude phrases, which the author apologizes for not writing. She is, at the moment, too lazy for her own good.

Axel grumbled.

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The group gathered down by the garage to board the gummi ship. They waited impatiently as Xigbar (who was in charge of the area) ran around, trying to ready their transportation. Finally, a grease stained Xigbar returned after fifteen minutes of checking the R. I. N. Q. "It's busted," he said, out of breath.

"Busted?" Vexen inquired.

"Yeah, busted. I thought you were the smart one, number four," he remarked, wiping his forehead. Vexen scowled.

"Well, how will we get there…er, wherever we're going?" Axel asked.

"We could always rent a car," Lexaeus offered.

"A car. That sounds good. I'll go get one," Axel said, marching out of the garage. The others watched him, shrugged, and silently agreed to let him go and get their transportation.

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Axel drove up and checked the rearview mirror. Good. He parked in front of the castle and hopped out of the vehicle. Looking around, he spotted the group waiting for him seven feet away. Their jaws dropped down when they saw what Axel had brought them.

"Axel…is that a _tour bus_?" Vexen asked, almost speechless.

"Yup," he nodded proudly. Looking over at the giant bus, he noticed the flame decals on the front and smiled. The inscription on the side was nice, too…though he wondered who _Queen_ was. Queen of where, exactly?

Lexaeus was also stunned. He stood there, contemplating the thought of the organization driving around in a tour bus and he shuddered.

"Well, let's go then," Zexion barked, heading over to the tour bus.

As he climbed in, Vexen blinked. "Axel…where did you get this?"

"Off of some 'band manager'. I think his name was Kevin Laroche…"

Vexen paled. This would not rest well with Saix.

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The nobodies drove on. Zexion was busy sketching on a pad he found in the bus, Lexaeus was inspecting the sleeping areas, and Vexen was busy scribbling notes down. Axel was trying to find 'the perfect radio station', and was not succeeding. With each turn of the dial he scowled and cursed. Finally, he hit a button that said 'favorites' to see what it would do. The van was then filled with loud rock music at the highest volume.  
Zexion fell out of his chair and groaned. He looked up and shouted at the top of his lungs, "TURN IT OFF, AXEL!" The red head didn't turn around; he was busy bobbing his head to the music. This resulted in bad driving, which ended up having Zexion thrown across the van floor. Cursing could be heard amongst the three nobodies that were farther back from the driver's seat.

"TURN IT OFF!" Vexen slammed his shield against the back of Axel's head.

Axel cursed and pressed the 'power' button. He scowled and continued driving.

Lexaeus was now gripping his seat tightly and asked meekly, "Axel…don't you think it would be best if I drove…?"

"No," he snapped. "My car. I found it, I drive it." He sounded like an upset toddler.

"Watch out for that dog!"

The bus veered dangerously as Axel swerved to avoid the seemingly harmless puppy. This resulted in Axel knocking over another person with spikey blonde hair who happened to be walking back from the supermarket.

The bus screeched to a halt and, with the exception of Axel, they climbed out. Lexaeus ran over to the front of the bus, where red and orange was splattered against the wheels. He stared in horror, until the victim groaned, "My cheetos."  
Lexaeus gave a relieved sigh and pulled Demyx up to his feet. He was bleeding on his forehead, but that didn't seem to matter. He was alive.

Vexen and Zexion raced out, realized it was only Demyx, and sighed. "Climb in," Zexion said lazily.

Vexen nodded to Demyx. He knew they had forgotten something.

Axel groaned as they walked in with the newest member. "Demyx…what the heck were you doing?"

"I was buying cheetos," he whined. Loud groans erupted through the bus and Axel began to drive again. This would be a long trip.

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XD Well…r&r people!  
For all of you who don't know, Axel's Fritos and Kevin Laroche not resting well with Saix are from my other fanfic…http/ NOBODY AIM. Please check it out to understand the jokes!


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